Being So Strong

First off Mom is awesome, she is the strongest woman I know, and I look up to her so much. I am so proud of her for being so positive, and not letting this get her down. She is doing so well at listening to her body. Even with one of the most difficult journies she has ever faced, she knows she is not doing it alone, and that we are on this journey back to strength as a family. You might read the title of this blog and think, Mom is physically weak right now because she is sick, and that this is all about her getting better; to this I say, you are right, but it goes much deeper than that. When Mom was diagnosed, we were all in a state of grief, despair, worry, confusion and even anger. We, as a family were weakened. It is on this journey that we have each other, together. As Mom gets stronger and healthier by the week, We get stronger and healthier as a family. This journey is going to bring us closer as a family than ever before. We are in this together and this is why we are all still able to remain our quirky, goofy selves together. Every day is another day we get to be strong, not only for ourselves, but for Mom. We will always be there to carry each other in times of need. That is why we are a family, we were given to each other because we would never abandon one another.  
Mom went in for her fourth chemotherapy treatment this passed Thursday, when she went in for her blood work they found that her white blood cell count was unusually low, even for someone on chemo. Although they gave her the treatment, they told her that she will have to return the following day to get a shot to boost her white blood cells so that she can receive her following treatments. She returned the next day, and they told her that the shot  (not sure of the name) she got was going to give her flu-like symptoms. 
Now normally, the first week and a half after her treatment, Mom needs to recover and rebuild her strength until she gets her next one; usually she gets extremely tired because she is on additional medications. So this time she has been feeling even worse. She is not supposed to be around anyone either, the doctors do not want to risk her getting sick. So I have been trying my very best to try and stay away from sick people and stay healthy as well as everyone else in the house. Hopefully in a few more days she will be feeling better. On the bright side, her throat is feeling much better, she finally got her Italian Sub she wanted so badly! Unfortunately, she may have to undergo more radiation, this time on her hips, not sure when though. 
Mom's next CT Scan is in two more weeks, this scan will tell us the update on her cancer's growth or shrinkage. We are praying for shrinkage! However, the concerned area is the tumor on her L-5 (lower spine), the doctors said that they cannot be sure right now whether it got bigger or if it had just stabilized because it does look bigger than her first set of scans she had done before she started all her treatments, but there was a five to six week period between her testing and her first treatment. We will know for sure when she gets this next scan because they will compare her second scan with this new one to see how the tumor on her spine is handling the treatment. Again, we are praying for shrinkage. We are praying that Mom handles these treatments very well, which she has, and that she goes into remission sooner rather than later, so that she may get to live in comfort again, and live her days normally again. Please. 

That's all for now! Will update again after we get the CT Scan results in a couple of weeks! 

Chemo #3 & CT Scan

Sorry I haven't really kept up with this, things have been very busy!

Mom had her CT Scan done two weeks ago, last Thursday we went to hear the results and get her on her third treatment of chemotherapy. As we were listening to what the doctors had to say, we found out that the lesion on Mom's L-5 (lower back) either stabilized or got bigger. The other lesions stabilized while the tumor in her lung actually got smaller. Dr. Karp informed us that she is adding a third drug to the chemo treatment; this will starve the tumor by cutting off the blood supply and keep the veins from feeding the tumor. Because the added drug will also add another hour and a half to her treatment, she had to go back Friday. So far she is handling the effects very well, she's just been very tired. No nausea at all! However, her throat still hurts from the radiation, but is definitely getting better. All in all, things are largely going the way we want them to. So it was more good news than bad, but I guess you could say it was good news with caution. They will do another treatment and get another CT Scan to be able to compare the growth of the lesion on Mom's L-5, the doctors are not sure because there was a five to six week period between the tests/scans and the start of the treatment, so it's hard to compare. They are going to keep an eye on this area of concern but everything else is responding extremely well.

Day 3 After Second Chemo Treatment

Well there is good news and there is bad news, but as usual, I will start with the bad news. Mom has started feeling the effects of the chemo yesterday. We also think they may have to check her throat to see why she is still experiencing that raw soreness she's had since the radiation. The doctor said it should be clearing up, but it's not. Today she is I believe in the thick of the effects. She's dealing with what we all think is the worst of it for this time. Hopefully she will be back to "good" in a couple days. Now for the good news, well it's day 3 so we know she was going to experience SOME effects. In the next few days the chemo will be out of her system, she has NOT been nauseous which is extremely good. Mom has really just been completely wiped out. Today she spent most of it sleeping, and she was napping yesterday too. In a few days she will be feeling well again and from here I think I can tell that New Hampshire will be a go. I'm glad she will be able to go because it makes her happy, and she needs to be as happy as ever right now, especially since it's going to be Labor Day weekend. I'm sure she can't wait!

Day 1 After Second Chemo Treatment

Mom just had her second chemo treatment yesterday, and she was afraid how she was going to react since she was so sick last time. There's no other way to say this but she feels great!!!! Slept all night without waking up, came down this morning made coffee for Dad and her own oatmeal, she didn't feel the need to wake me up. She took her own medicine, and she has energy to boot!

Second Chemo Treatment

During the last couple of weeks Leslie Sam and their dog Jasmine have spent time with us, they were helping out here and we enjoyed our time with them. Leslie dedicated most of her stay preparing delicious meals that we could freeze and pull out when ever we needed to. It has really been much easier around here not worrying about what we should make for dinner. Since Mom has that awful pain in her throat, Leslie has packed our freezer with Pastina with the egg, a soup that my mom has been able to eat with ease. Mom also got a beautiful mani pedi from Sam, which the nurse complimented on today! They left this passed Monday morning and I just want to send a BIG THANK YOU to both of them!
Today Mom and I went into Boston for her second treatment of Chemotherapy. Dr. Huberman was out on vacation so we had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Goldstein, we also saw Dr. Karp who is one of Dr. Huberman's fellows. They were very nice, though we already knew Dr. Karp from previous appointments. Anyway, Mom brought it to Dr. Goldstein's attention as well as Dr. Karp's that she is still suffering from the sore throat that was a result from the radiation. They said that the soreness in her throat should be going away gradually by now, but Mom has noticed nothing. They think she may have a fungal infection going on there. This sometimes happens after radiation. If there is an infection the medicine she got today should make it go away relieving her soreness. Mom is instructed to take it 3 times daily. Dr. Karp said we should notice a difference in a day or two. After speaking to Dr. Goldstein and Dr. Karp it was time for Mom to get set up with chemo. She is a little nervous about how her body is going to handle the second treatment, as you all know last time was very difficult for her since she got really sick. This time, however, we are hopeful that she will have an easier experience with the chemo spreading throughout her system. This time we are more prepared and we have an idea about what's next and what to do to minimize the nausea as much as possible so she can feel as good as she does right now much sooner! Our next move after this is a CT Scan in two weeks to see if there is any shrinkage, they will continue the chemo treatments. The doctors are estimating about six to eight treatments in total, once every three weeks. Mom wants to make a trip to New Hampshire next weekend granted she is feeling well enough! So here's hoping!!!

It's a Good Day

Today Mom is having a really good day today. She woke up before everyone else and was more energized today. She got ready for the day and even put a little make up on. The nerve medicine she's on is starting to kick in and she only feels the pain in her hips when she coughs, though she still feels the tenderness otherwise. She's been in a great mood today and she's been joking around and laughing with everyone. It's so nice to see her this way. Mom's throat still hurts though, but she's been eating foods that don't bother it too much. She eats a lot of watermelon and soup and she's drinking water too. She's doing so well today it makes us all feel so good. For lunch she had a bowl of soup and some salad and afterward we are going to take her out for ice cream! Her next Chemo appointment is next Thursday.

Finally Home With My Mommy

Tonight I got home from North Carolina with my aunt Leslie and cousin Samantha. They will be staying with us for a little while to help take care of Mom. Today Mom had an appointment to have blood work to check her platelets/white blood cells. The numbers were headed in the right direction, however, they discovered that not only are there areas of disease in her spine and liver (as we already knew), but there are also areas of disease in her lower back and hip. This explains why Mom has been suffering with pain in her lower back and hip. When I got home today I couldn't wait to see my mom. She was lying on the couch, half asleep as she was exhausted from the trying day she had in Boston. I just couldn't help but hug her. I missed her, my dad, my brother Michael and my sister Lauren so much. It was so hard being away from Mom and not being home helping her out every day. It was hard to miss out on all the trips into the hospital. I wanted to be there for her, and being so far away was really starting to make me sad. The closer I got to home, the more anxious I became. She was obviously out of it when I came in the house, I definitely took her by surprise too. But most of all she was just so tired. Mom has her good days and she has her bad days. I could tell she missed me by how much she was hugging me when I was sitting with her. It was definitely emotional for me, but I didn't want her to know that! 

That's all for now! We got somethings planned for Mom, so I'll definitely be updating soon!

Day 4 After Chemo

The last couple of days have been really hard on Mom. She's been very sick; dealing with a lot of nausea and vomiting. She's been sleeping off and on but has also been in a lot of pain. Mom goes to sleep really early. Tonight when I spoke to her over the phone, she sounded very tired. Mom said she was sleepy and she spoke very slowly as well. We were chatting for a few minutes but I could tell she wouldn't want to stay on the phone very long. It was about 8:45 pm when I called. She also said she was feeling better today; no more nausea and she makes herself eat. She says liquids are really hard to get down because nothing tastes good. Water tastes horrible and she only drinks maybe a bottle a day. She's been eating soup and applesauce but has no real appetite. Mom takes her medicines with the applesauce, some require food but some don't. She has an appointment with her doctor on Thursday to get blood work done to keep track of the platelets/white blood cells since the chemotherapy lowers the count weakening her immune system; this is the reason she can't afford to get sick right now.

Day 1 After Chemo

Yesterday Mom had her first day of Chemotherapy. She was feeling well yesterday but unfortunately today was a different story. Today she was vomiting and experiencing nausea off and on all day. Mom had a very rough day today and was very tired. She was sleeping off and on as well. She went to sleep tonight around 8:30. It is very important that she gets a lot of rest. That's all I have for now! She's being so strong through her bad days and good days, we will all keep praying for her and being with her!

My Beautiful Mother

Day 1 of Chemotherapy

Today Mom had her first day of Chemotherapy. She will do two cycles of this, one more in three weeks. After that they will have another P.E.T. Scan done to see of there was any improvement or tumor shrinkage. Mom was at the Beth Israel from 8 a.m. until 1 p.m. today with my sister Lauren. I just spoke to Mom on the phone and she said she was feeling pretty good right now. She slept through most of the night last night and didn't wake up until about 5 a.m. The side effects haven't started yet, but we are anticipating them soon. So far so good, she scaled her pain to be a three on a scale of one to ten. She and Lauren are going to visit Grandpa (Mom's father) right now for a little while. I will talk to her later tonight and update soon! 

Waiting With the Butterflies

Mom starts systemic Chemotherapy this week, on Thursday at 8 am. It will be given to her through an IV, please see the previous post for details. 

She has been experiencing pain and is still coughing. During certain parts of the day she won't feel well, then at other parts of the day she will have a boost of energy and feel more like her old self. She said that the radiation should be hitting her soon, so she will be in a lot more pain fairly soon. She knows that it will get worse before it gets better. I've been lucky to catch her during the parts of the day that she's feeling well. 

One thing that keeps Mom's spirits up is butterflies. They remind her of her mother, my nana, because when she was younger Nana would always have nylon butterflies clipped to her kitchen windows;
every time she sees a butterfly she feels like her mother is with her. This is interesting because it is said that when you see a blue butterfly that means the Blessed Mother is there. It is also said that when you see a butterfly, the spirit of a passed loved one has come to be with you and watch over you.
Butterflies also represent change and grace. A butterfly is a symbol of faith, the acceptance of the butterfly's metamorphosis is symbolic of faith because it is symbolizing that we keep our faith as we undergo transitions in our own lives. Butterflies also represent hope and beauty, because as the caterpillar goes through this change it results in beauty, this I believe, is relevant to Mom, because Mom's body is going through intense change, but there is the hope she will always be the same, and she will come back to be beautiful and strong once again, as her spirit has continued to be thus far. 

As I said, butterflies are a symbol of hope, since I've been in North Carolina I've seen dozens of beautiful butterflies everyday. A sign I believe that not only is there hope, but that she is not alone because she has people watching over her from heaven as she has all of us watching over her here.

What Comes Next...

Mom had her last treatment of Radiation yesterday, so we are happy that's over because we are closer to her recovery. She has been very positive through the entire process and we are all so proud of her, the strength she has and the good faith she has kept thus far. The next step is to start chemo on Thursday once every three weeks; since her cancer is stage 4 she will be given systemic chemo so that it reaches all the other parts of her body that were affected.

Thanks to Silvia and her careful note-taking we have some details what Mom will be getting in the coming weeks:

• Chemotherapy - Pemetrexed (Altima) 15 min drip and Carboplatin (Paraplatin) 45-60 min drip - given IV over 2 to 3 hours in the clinic, once per three weeks.
• After the second cycle, a repeat CT scan will be done to see if the treatment is working (i.e. tumor shrinkage)
• These drugs are less toxic agent than others and are effective
• In order to start this, Phyllis had to receive a Vitamin B12 shot and start taking folic acid.
• The drug kills cancerous cells, but also hits the bone marrow. So, the B12/folic acid helps the bone marrow. The B12 takes a week to be effective. Hence, the soonest start date is Thursday 8/1/13 at 8 AM.
• Phyllis will also take a steroid orally on Wed, Thurs (day of therapy) and Friday. This will help the drug be absorbed more readily by the cancerous cells.
• Phyllis had her baseline blood counts. All looked within normal limits, a tad on the low side for Hemoglobin and Hematocrit.
• Side effects (not everyone gets these)
• Early:
• nausea - medication will be given to help curtail this. Along with the chemotherapeutic drugs, Phyllis will receive a 'medical mix' to help combat certain symptoms.
• allergic reaction - rash, breathing, pain
• fatigue
• Later (7-14 days post treatment):
• The drug will hit the bone marrow (bone marrow suppression) and potential side effects include lowering of the WBC's (helps fight infections) and of the platelets (involved with blood clotting). Blood tests will be done periodically to monitor cell counts (a CBC)
• mouth sores
• numbness, tingling sensation to finger tips and feet (nerves may be affected)
• Dr. Huberman mentioned several medicines that would be available to Phyllis to help with any side effects. Some of these will be in the medical mix given prior to the chemo drug.
• She will also be given a medication to help combat osteoporosis. When the bone and surrounding bone tissue have cancerous cells/lesions growing, the bone becomes more fragile. This medication (I did not get the name) will help strengthen the bone.
• Phyllis needs to wear her neck brace riding in the car or if her body gets bounced around unexpectedly. She is fine without it at home while resting.

Thanks Silvia!

Mom and Dad are in New Hampshire right now relaxing, they drove up Thursday night. Mom has been in a lot of pain, but they said the pain would get worse before it got better. She has been very tired from radiation, but she is very strong and as long as she eats well, sleeps well, drinks plenty of water and spends time with family she will do fine with chemo and the rest of this process. The doctors were more than approving when she mentioned going to New Hampshire because she is supposed to do things that make her happy. Silvia drove up last night. I talked to Mom last night and she said if she drinks anymore water she'll float down the river then laughed, well at least she's still in high spirits! 

If anyone would like to send Mom a message, feel free to leave a comment below! :)

Just a Few Words

As you can see, I've changed the title of this blog from "Mom's Battle: Lung Cancer" to "Our Journey to Strength". While I think the previous title was relevant, I think this title is more appropriate. My aunt Leslie made a very good point about the word "battle" being a negative connotation. I couldn't help but agree with that. Together we came up with "Our Journey to Strength", I think it better suits my blog and the situation because during these times it's really something that affects all of us. Like Mom, we all need to stay positive and strong because she will pick up on the energy of those around her. A positive outlook can do nothing but help.
I also read that when a loved one is living with cancer, it is always better to use words like "we" and "us" rather than "you" this helps the person gain strength because they are reminded that they are not alone in this. My mom is definitely not alone, she has the most loving support team behind her. Just a few words can make all the difference in times like these.

If anyone would like to send Mom a special message, please feel free to leave comments below. It would definitely help her feel better, and she would love it. :)

Day 4 of Radiation

Today is Mom's fourth day in Radiation, almost! She's doing well, very tired, in some pain still, and her voice is going a little raspy, but that is to be expected. She has a meeting with her Hematology Oncologist tomorrow to talk about starting Chemotherapy next week. 
I've been in North Carolina since Monday, and I miss her, but I talk to her every day, and I can tell she is not feeling too great because she doesn't like to stay on the phone long, she seems like she just wants to rest and sleep. She sleeps in the middle of the day, but she needs a lot of rest to fight through everything she going through. She is in radiation right now, she is doing so well, and she is being so strong, we all know she will get through this. 

I Love My Mom

I love my mom, and finding out this has honestly been so surreal. You don't realize how much someone impacts you or your life until something like this happens. I mean, my mom brought me into this world, so that alone is a pretty big impact I think. I guess I've been trying to be so strong this entire time, I've accepted that she has cancer, and pretty bad cancer, but I haven't been as emotional as most people would be I guess. I know that she needs all the positive energy she can get to make it through this, and that is exactly what I hope I have been giving her. She really is an amazing person who does not deserve this to happen in her life. It's been such an eye-opener I think for all of us. Maybe I haven't been so emotional because I know she's going to pull through and be fine. I know she is. She's a tough cookie.

Even though everyone keeps telling me that she will be fine and that they have all this new technology out there, well to be honest, in the beginning it wasn't about that. It was about wrapping my brain around the fact that for the next year my mom is going to suffer. That she's going to be in pain. I understand that they have all these ways of taking care of cancer, but it's not about that, it's about someone who's been there for me my entire life, looking out for me, taking care of me no matter what stupid things I did, who has loved me unconditionally, is now going to suffer immensely. It's all just really devastating. People die from cancer everyday. That's the scariest thought. It just hurts. I could never picture her not being in our lives anymore. She was always there. In the big plan of my life, she was always there, and we aren't going to let this ruin our plans.

Now I've been able to see through all the morbid thoughts, the only way to get through this is to believe and hope with everything I have that she will be okay, because now, there's no way she can't be okay; because I believe... I know, she will be fine. I love my mom.

The Results

This passed Thursday (July 18th) we had a scheduled consultation with Mom's doctors to hear the official results. Everything Dr. Folch had told me prior, was confirmed on Thursday. Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Adenocarcinoma. A non-small cell cancer, which is slow growing. Unfortunately it was Stage 4, meaning it spread to other parts of her body. One of the places was her spine which rose more concern from the doctors, and us as well. They wanted to schedule an MRI to her spine ASAP. Dr. Berman, her Radiology Oncologist was able to schedule her in for the same night at 8:15 pm that night, fortunately. The next morning we were to go in to talk to him about the MRI and to get ready for her first Radiation treatment. We found out that the lesions on her spine were on her C-5 and C-7 but were not affecting the spinal cord. She started Radiation yesterday (Friday) and she is scheduled for 4 more treatments this week, Monday-Thursday. She's doing okay, emotional at times, but we will all get through this with her. The coming weeks and months will definitely be tough. After this week she will begin Chemotherapy. We are fortunate to have a FANTASTIC medical team, so we can make sure she gets the best treatment. Her team cares about her, it's easy to see, they are very genuine and are making it all about Mom. 

The Beginning

Life is an interesting concept to reflect on. When you think about it, life is really just a journey in simple terms; a very complex journey however. Throughout this journey we hit bumps in the road and will inevitably experience hard times. It is with the strength we have and the strength of our families and friends and faith that carry us through these hardships. 

For a long time my mother had a cough that would not go away. She started to get sick more frequently, when she was originally never the type to get sick. The cough started during Thanksgiving of 2012 and continued through the winter and spring and is still being dealt with. The doctors thought it was Pneumonia, but when nothing changed she was sent to a pulmonary specialist, who told her to get a CT scan. 

I went with her to Beth Israel Hospital in Boston, she had the CT scan done and the same night Mom received a call from her doctors with bad news.

In the CT scan they said they found a tumor. They started scheduling tests, July 9th she had to have a Pulmonary Function Test, an MRI on her brain, Pre-admitions Test, and a PET Scan. Then Friday, July 12th she had a Bronchoscopy Procedure. Finally on July 18th we would find out the results and figure out what to do next.

The reality of it was that she had a tumor in her lung, it is either benign (not cancerous) or it was going to be cancer. 

On Friday, July 12th, I waited with Mom for seven hours to have her surgery done, with a combination of emergencies which extended our wait time, her pain and the anticipation of what the results might be, we were both very anxious and aggravated. She was very uncomfortable. It broke my heart to have to watch her in such discomfort for so long. When they finally took her into surgery at 3:00 pm, I decided to take the opportunity to get a cup of tea, when I came back time seemed to fly because next thing I knew I was being called into a room to speak with Dr. Folch. In this conference I was alone, surprised and anxious. I didn't expect to be consulted by her doctor.

Dr. Folch was very nice, but he had bad news. He told me that he sampled two lymph nodes that were affected by the tumor, and found atypical cells, he said he believed them to be malignant (cancerous). He said he also saw narrowing in her right bronchial tube which is the same lung that has the tumor, we found out that the tumor was in fact, outside of the bronchial tube. Dr. Folch said he wants to go in with a laser and burn away the narrowing, and place a stent in if it is needed. He also said that Chemotherapy and Radiation will be the best treatment for her. I asked him how sure he was about Mom having cancer, he told me 95%. Sounded like he was sure enough. After that meeting I left to call my dad, and we would have to wait another week to hear the official results.